Who Will Watch the Marketers?

For those of you who caught my ‘Watchmen’ reference in the title, the premier is only a week away. For those of you who didn’t, well, consider yourself lucky you don’t speak geek.


So I’ve been thinking a lot about Twitter lately. Everyone knows what a huge fan I am of the microblogging service that only gives you 140 characters to say something important (or completely irrelevant). The reason I’ve been thinking so much about it is because lately there seems to be a surge in rule or etiquette discussions, specifically in how to use DMs, criteria for following people, what should and shouldn’t be discussed, etc.


I’m not sure if that’s because my circle consists mostly of marketers or if these conversations go on among the business coaches, real estate, aspiring actors and porn stars who also take up residence on Twitter.


In the marketing community, at least, we analyze what someone should tweet, if it is relevant content, how its ROI can be measured and how others use Twitter or should use Twitter in general and what purpose it serves.


To that point, I think it only makes sense that we are put in charge of policing Twitter. Think about it – we weren’t as strict with the other social media channels and look what happened to them: MySpace, LinkedIn, Facebook. The pedophiles and musicians took over MySpace. LinkedIn was practically handed over to recruiters and liars. YouTube, well, no one will ever plant their flag there. And now Facebook is slowly starting to sag as microblogging gains in popularity.


Face it. You want us on that channel. You need us on that channel. As marketers, we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner less than six inches from our computer screens. We are used to telling people how to do things when it comes to personal brand. With us in charge:

  • You won’t have to worry about impersonal DMs
  • No one with under 50 followers allowed to be cited on #FollowFridays
  • No more ‘make money from home’ tweets.
  • Any tweet containing the phrase ‘check out my book’ will be met with a one day ban.
  • Tweets containing sexual innuendos will remain legal but only between the hours of 9 p.m. – 7 a.m.
  • Anyone under 21 will be permitted only after we receive notification that their mom is following them.
  • People will be limited to seven RTs a day.
  • Anyone using Twitter to promote their social media campaign will have to submit a projected ROI for our approval.

(NOTE: These are just a few of the rules we’ll be enforcing. We’ll consider other legislation but it must be marked with a #TwitterPolice.)


People, Twitter is growing at an amazing rate. It has neared  the 5 million user mark. 20 percent of them joined in the last 60 days. The porn stars have already infiltrated Twitter. Don’t wait any longer. Let us, the marketers, protect you before it’s too late.


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5 responses to “Who Will Watch the Marketers?

  1. Pingback: Digital Biographer™ » Posts about Personal Branding as of February 27, 2009

  2. Very funny, Ben! I agree with most of your rules–the no #followfriday follower under 50 is inspired–but I’m not ready to vote for handing over the reins of Twitter to marketers.

    But glad to see you’re part of the solution and not part of the problem!

  3. Just passing by.Btw, you website have great content!

    Making Money $150 An Hour

  4. *snicker* I like your thinking!

  5. what are you ranting about now? and why have you neglected your dear blog?

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