Gimme 5. Gum, that is.

 

I’m still in the holiday spirit so I just don’t have it in me to reply to the Burger fan who defended Wal-Mart in my Christmas post. So, instead, I’ll write about one of the good things that happened during that trip.

As I approached the self-checkout line I saw the new gum ‘5′. You know, that awesome looking gum in the black packaging? Thank goodness Wal-Mart doesn’t have a problem with Aspertame or else I would be forced to show ID for that too. I guess that the government, er, I mean Wal-Mart is alright with people killing themselves that way. They’d rather stop us from inhaling the fumes from white out. Speaking of that, and I do digress, how many bottles of white out do you need to buy to get high? And is limited to the bottles or are the pens subject to ID as well?

Anyway, back to the 5 gum. Now, I’ve been meaning to buy this for a while, but I just couldn’t bring myself to spend the extra .30 cents (retails around $1.29). Yes, I know that’s a bit tight of me, but I have to buy for a kid and three animals so I try to pinch pennies where I can.

But hey, it was Christmas and I wanted to get myself a little something so I splurged for that awesome black box. And boy is it ever awesome. The real payoff doesn’t come until you get the box open and see how it’s packed, which is sticks, not little pieces. They are wrapped in the shiny foil color of the flavor you selected (peppermint a.k.a colbalt; spearmint a.k.a rain – this is what I bought; cinammon a.k.a fire) and stacked five high, three across. I’m telling you, this isn’t gum it’s an accessory. You can have an iPhone, bluetooth headset, whatever, but you’ll really set yourself apart at the next party if you whip out that little black box and slip someone a slab of 5.

So go out and buy some. You won’t regret it (and pack ID, just in case).

Jeopardy Jealousy

My main man John Booth, over at Fields Edge and Crain’s Cleveland Business, let me know two weeks ago that he was heading to Pittsburgh to try out for Jeopardy. He had already completed the on-line round and had received the call for the in-person sessions. You can read all about his trip here.

As someone who has sent audition tapes to Survivor, been on the callback list after passing the fastest finger test for the ‘Who wants to be a millionaire’ call-in tryout and gone to take the test to get on the syndicated version of the same show, I can appreciate John’s efforts. (People kind of look at you sideways and give you a ‘Reallllly?’ when they hear that you’re a gameshow fan.)

I hope he gets the call; I’d love to see him sharing the stage with Alex. But even more, I’d love to hear him say ‘I’ll take swords for $100′ if he’s lucky enough to get “‘S’ words” as a category.

Good luck John – The Burger is pulling for you!

Merry Christmas; Wal-Mart Sucks

I broke my number one rule – never shop at Wal-Mart. And wouldn’t you know that the one time I make the exception Wal-Mart balls its greasy, pork rined hand into a fist and gives me a blast of Christmas cheer, right to the face.

Translation – Wal-Mart didn’t let me down, providing me with another terrible shopping experience. Here’s the deal – I went in to buy some movies for my friends, Talledega Nights, Borat and Super Bad to be exact. Because they only had two of their 30 lines open I decided to hit up the self checkout – breaking my number two rule.

I had grabbed some ‘5′ gum (more on that in another post) and rang that through no problem. Then I rang Borat through and all hell breaks loose. The machine locks up and won’t let me do anything else. It’s then that I notice one of Wal-Mart’s finest making her way over to me at breakneck speed, asking to see my ID. Turns out you have to show ID at Wal-Mart to buy an ‘R’ rated movie. I’m still not sure why this is the case; since when did it become a Federal requirement to show your ID when buying an ‘R’ rated movie? Oh, it didn’t. I guess it’s the Wal-Mart government – the new world order – rule.

So I tell the lady that I’m not showing her my ID. She replies ‘well, you have to’; I reply to her ‘no, I don’t have to; it’s not the law.’ She smiles and says ‘it’s not my rule and I think it’s dumb, but I need to see it’. I quickly inform her that she can either  ring me through or I’ll go buy it at Target. It’s at this point that she relaxes and tells me that, to my horror, not only do you need to show ID for R rated movies, but you need to show it for a lot of other stuff too, including crazy glue and white out. What??? Have I been out of it for a while? When did this happen?

I figure; hey, maybe by not shopping at Wal-Mart I didn’t realize that this was how they did things in the Holy Land. I mentioned the story to my wife and she said that it’s been this way for a while. In fact, her students had to call her from Wal-Mart last year to have her verify that they were there buying spray paint for a school project. How the genius cashier knew that she was their teacher and not a friend posing as her is beyond me.

I wanted to make sure I wrote about this because I don’t think a lot of people know what’s going on here. Pay attention – this will become the norm more quickly than you think. And then what? What else will we need to show ID for? Corn, because we will have limited suply? Water, because we are experiencing droughts in many places of the world (and no one seems to care)?

At any rate, I’m going to make sure I don’t break my rule again. From here on out I’ll be sure to buy my gifts on-line so my purchases can be tracked and monitored by….the companies selling them to me. What did you think I was going to say – the government?

Merry Christmas!

What a difference a year makes

The House approved the 2008 Federal Government budget today. That would be a $556 budget, by the way. Of that, $70 billion will go toward the war in Iraq.

Wait a minute; how is this possible? Didn’t the democrats promise a swift end to the war when they took over as the majority after last year’s elections? They didn’t even make it a year before conceding to President Bush. And make no mistake – they conceded. According to House Appropriation Committe Chair David Obey (D, Wisc.), they are funding this war against their wishes, and ‘the only option to changing direction in Iraq by electing more progressive voices to the United States Senate and a president with a different set of priorities’.

Oh, you mean like next fall? Didn’t you already have that chance in the Fall of ‘06? We’re in year five of this war. More people are dying than any other year. We’re looking at a lame duck president and administration that we just gave another $70 billion – what is going on here? Does anyone care? I do. I think they should ban the topic of the Iraq war from all the debates and campaign platforms. It wouldn’t matter; I still wouldn’t know who to vote for. Although I’m one of those extreme liberals. Remember?

Who am I? I’m tired.

So it’s 1 a.m. and I just finished writing a marketing plan for one of our clients. You know I bleed public relations if I’m up this late writing a plan that involves tier one and two suppliers as well as various levels of government compliances.

Anyway, it’s late, I’m pretty tired and I figured, what better time for some random thoughts:

1. I’m a Steelers fan. And I live in Ohio. So, I’ve had to listen to Browns fans talk it up today now that we’re tied for the division. I won’t complain about the fact that Browns should actually win something before their fans run smack because I know it’s been a while so I’ll just give them their day. Keep smiling Browns fans because I don’t think the Steelers are going to do anything. They just don’t seem sharp enough. To me, they looked banged up and are missing some playmakers. The Browns remind me of the 05 (Super Bowl champs) Steelers; they’re playing well, catching breaks and geling all at once. Hard to believe I wrote this column just one year ago.

2. I’ve had so many hits to my blog as the result of people searching Mac-n-cheese. Crazy. Why are you people searching this? I love the cheesey goodness that comes from that blue box as much as anyone, but this just seems like an odd search term to me. Is there a holiday recipe I’m not familiar with? Is it a secret ingredient to fruitcake? I’m not complaining at all – I’m very happy to have the company.

3. If you haven’t tried Red Hook beer, you really should. Especially because I just realized today that they have a winter ale – Winter Hook. It is very, very good. I would put it as a solid three behind Great Lakes Christmas Ale and Sam Adams Winter Lager, and just ahead of Goose Island Christmas Ale. On a side note, I also tried Harpoon’s holiday offering – el terible.

4. Finally, one of my good friends and a pretty good blogger told me that I’m all over the board with my content. She said ‘who are you; what is the one thing you want to write about?’ My response – my blog is me. These random subjects are all about me. I write this blog for me. So if that means that my life can be simplified to sports, pop culture, beers and wines, protecting the constitution, Voltron, mac-n-cheese and great music, than so be it. Sad? Yes. True? Yes.

Good night!

Waste some if you got it

I’ve been a little busy this week. We had a few focus groups come in so our office has been a popular joint. Maybe you can waste some time with these cool things and let me know if any of them are worth playing with further:

Pixar: all the inside jokes hidden in their movies

Lost in Translation: The ending whisper (warning: spoiler)

How Rude: Take this TV catchphrase quiz

Vote for the freakiest ad of 2007 (warning – some weird crap in here)

Nice hands: Who should be the next person featured in HP’s hand ads?

Have fun. Company party tonight so I won’t have a post tonight.

*Links compiled from Pop Candy and Adverganza

I live reality. Give me my TV back – even if it’s 1973.

I just caught up on some reading. Checked out Scott Berg’s blog where he made some media predictions for 2008. (Scott is the Worldwide Media Director for HP.) There were some interesting notes in there that play into some feelings I’ve been having about the unhealthy drive to find the bigger, better form of advertising (i.e. mobile marketing). But I just spent all day working and have at least two more hours ahead of me as we prepare for two days of focus groups. So, that being said, let me talk about something really important that Berg mentions – the writer’s strike.

He feels it will be over soon; I’m not so sure. Every day more and more reality shows are being introduced to compensate for no more new shows. In fact, ABC will announce a completely new line-up for January. This is horrible; as much as I love New York, I need some real TV back. And I’m not even a fan of a lot that’s on right now. Beyond ‘The Office’, ‘Grey’s’ and ‘24′ I don’t care about much else. However, we can’t be forcefed reality show TV all the time. I can’t have the lines blurred between real life and TV life.

That being said, I have a suggestion. Instead of rolling out more reality TV, dig into the vault and roll out the shows that helped you make your mark. Give us timewarp weeks until the strike is over. Here’s how I’m thinking this would work: each week the network picks a year and shows what would have been on TV in that year. They could run promos around some of the more famous nights. Here’s three that I think would be really good:

CBS Saturday, 1973: All in the Family, MASH, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Bob Newhart Show, The Carol Burnett Show

ABC Tuesday, 1978: Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Three’s Company, Taxi, Starsky and Hutch

NBC Thursday, 1984 – 86: Cosby, Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court, Hill Street Blues

I would do this with the understanding that we would be subject to TGIF again, but I would like to vote for early TGIF. You know, with Perfect Strangers? Maybe dust off some episodes of Mr. Belvedere? We need more Christopher Hewitt in prime time. I would even watch the terrible shows, like My Two Dads and Blossom. Anything to avoid shows like Clash of the Choirs.

*Line-ups courtesy of TVSquad.com

Just because I beat up gay people doesn’t mean I hate them

Well, at least that’s what the U.S. Government thinks. This news is very disturbing. How is it possible that violent acts against gays aren’t considered hate-motivated? Personally, I have a problem delineating between a ‘normal’ crime and a hate crime. Aren’t they both motivated by hate? Hate can take many forms, but I’m thinking if you beat someone down, whether if it’s just for the moment, you’re hating that person.

But anyway, back to the issue; what rationale is behind not including gays on this bill? What harm is coming from it that we can’t extend a little extra protection to a group that is more susceptible to violent crimes? The article claims that this is a blow for civil rights. A blow for civil rights? This is 2007, not 1967 right?

I guess I shouldn’t be too suprised. Gays, after all, continue to be opressed by our government, forced to live their lives a certain way because they’re ‘different’ than what we’ve come to accept as traditional. I wonder which group will be next?

A Smoking Sponsorship

I went to the Cavs game tonight; what a mess that was. Because they played so terrible I left at the end of the third quarter. As I was leaving I passed a group of smokers freezing as they tried to enjoy a cigarette. It got me thinking; why don’t cigarette companies sponsor smoking pavillions / areas? Think about it; there are Budweiser/Miller beer porches / gardens in arenas and outdoor venues. There’s even a Yellow Tail Wine Bar in the Q.

So what’s keeping Marlboro from throwing up some kerosene lights and a tent, adding some music and cushy chairs and giving smokers a comfortable place to have that cigarette?

Has anyone ever thought of this? And if so, what is the reason it isn’t happening? Why is it alright to promote drinking – especially in a family atmosphere – but not smoking? At least the smoker isn’t going to yell vulgar things, kick my kids chair and slosh their drink down my back.

Just a thought.

Why Does This Guy Hate Me?

I was pretty stressed today; quite a few projects going on at once. So, today’s blog is a little therapy for me. Speaking of therapy, I think this reporter from the Washington Post could use some.

I received an email last week about Gene Weingartner, a reporter from the Washington Post who wrote an article about how terrible PR professionals are. There are so many entertaiing pices to this article that you really have to read it for yourself. However, the basic idea is that he gets really annoyed when PR people call him to follow-up on press releases that he thinks aren’t newsworthy. He even goes as far to say that he strives to expose the unholy alliance between PR people and soulless marketing industry.

I don’t make it a habit to read Mr. Weingartner’s column’s so I’m not sure if this is part of his schtick, but regardless, we as PR professionals should thank him for writing it. PR professionals are constantly under the credibility microscope as journalists doubt our ability to provide them with anything newsworthy. Having graduated from the Kent State PR program, it was required that I write for the University’s newspaper.

Thank God for that.

It taught me a lot about how to research a story, prepare for an interview and write a piece like I was trimming the fat from an expensive cut of meat – cut the excess without losing the flavor.

More importantly it taught me how hard you have to work as a journalist – and how no good story comes without substantial preparation and homework. It’s that mentality that I took into my career as a PR professional so I wouldn’t disrespect what I had come to revere in that one semester.

If we can approach each press release with this state of mind, we can try to make the lives of newspaper reporters who lose sleep over their hatred of PR professionals a little easier. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just remind Mr. Weingartner that I’m like ‘this’ with his fellow journalist, Tony Kornheiser.